Bic Pen drawing. 8" X 10" on drawing paper. 1998.

A self portrait. The tie and pin represent the many years that I worked as an insurance broker. Wasted years. I did not have the spine to drop everything and make my mark as an artist. I was too afraid that I would not have my money and the luxuries that they bought. So, I chained my manhood and my life to a 9 to 5 job.

I painted only at night. I did not become a full time artist until a few years ago, at age 52. Yet, all that time, 25 plus years, I knew that my passion was my art. I just did not have the courage to follow it and make the sacrifices I knew I must in order to become what I knew I was meant to be. I'm paying for that now.

But who is to say how a life should be?

The mask obviously shows the face that I had to put on every day in order to play the game, to pretend to be the straight laced insurance man. My penis is hooked by my tie. This is more obvious symbolism, my job controlled my manhood. The mirror shows me as an old man, still doing the hated job, smoking my life away as though it was a cigarette. My greatest fear, other than death, during these years.

One interesting point. The removed breast. Seven years after this drawing was done, my wife contracted breast cancer. She had her left breast removed. This is almost exactly what the scar looks like. I believe art can be prophetic. However, if we can not read the prophecies, what good are they?